Thirteen years feels like thirteen months. Thirteen months old, standing on unsteady legs, holding my two fingers with chubby fists. When it was just you and me, before there were sisters. When I was your whole world and you were my everything. Thirteen months we spent every moment together, you in my arms. Your daddy says you took so long to walk because I never put you down.
“It goes by so fast,” they say to every new mother. And we believe them. We think we know. But thirteen months go by and then comes the realization that we didn’t know.
Because when you let go of my fingers and took your first wobbly steps, your whole life flashed before my eyes. My heart burst with joy and pride and I clapped for you and I laughed out loud with happy tears running down my face. But there was a pang of grief that your babyhood was over. How had it already been thirteen months? Those months were so very short. They were so very precious to me. Physically, you took those steps towards me but symbolically, they were your first steps away from me. It was like cutting another cord.
Now you’re thirteen and it feels like thirteen months all over again. Watching you take your first unsteady steps away from us. Celebrating your independence, marveling at your accomplishments. Mourning the end of your childhood. How has it already been thirteen years? Those years were so very short, and so very precious to me.
Your life is flashing before my eyes. Every book we read. Every walk we took. Feeding the ducks in Norman. Pushing you in the swing. That little blue jacket you wore in Germany. The glow of a campfire on your face. Every giggle. Every splash of a pool. Every Christmas and birthday. Every time you held a new baby sister in your arms. Standing next to you on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The way it felt the first time I held you in my arms.
I have cherished every second of your childhood. But along with the brief sadness of closing this chapter comes all the pride, all the joy, and all the celebration of getting to watch you grow up. We have a little time left yet. A few more years at home together and a thousand more happy memories to make. And I know now more than ever I won’t take these years for granted, because they really do go by so fast.
Thirteen years feels like thirteen months.
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